


Someone Else

by ayeeitssfaithh



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Mental Health Issues, NaruHina 2020, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:40:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,795
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29134959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayeeitssfaithh/pseuds/ayeeitssfaithh
Summary: And if I was the storm that hurt you, I now take my leave.Hoping you are somewhere, drifting calm at sea.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura/Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura/Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Hinata/Inuzuka Kiba, Hyuuga Hinata/Uchiha Sasuke, Hyuuga Hinata/Uzumaki Naruto, Hyuuga Neji/Tenten, Sai/Yamanaka Ino
Comments: 8
Kudos: 20





	1. prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! This is my first time writing on this platform so I’m still getting used to writing on here, please bear with me T^T  
> I’m nooooot so confident in my writing so please be nice when you criticize my work 🙏 hehe  
> I hope y’all liked this chapter 😊  
> dont be afraid to point out any mistakes you noticed, it really helps me improve! <3  
> \+ I try to update every week but sometimes updates may be late :(

❝ 𝙞 **_𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬_** 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙨𝙪𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙧𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 𝙣𝙤𝙬. 𝙞 **_𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬_** 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙨𝙖𝙨𝙪𝙠𝙚 ❞

written by | ayeeitssfaithh 

* * *

**_Prologue_ **

**beep ... beep ... beep ...**

"Ma'am he won't wake up anytime soon."

_"He will. I know it."_

A female's voice. I _know_ that voice. Yet I couldn't ... remember.

"It's been 3 years."

[pause]

_"I know he will wake up. Please, just a few more months. I know, I have a feeling-"_

A few more months of what?

"Very well."

Who's voice is it? It feels like the answers are there, but it's not. Where am I? Why can't I move-? It feels like I'm stuck. Stuck in time, everything's moving around me, yet I'm the one stuck ... just watching.

I can't move, I have no control over anything anymore. It's so frustrating I want to scream. I want to wake up from this weird dream-like state.

But I can't.

I heard footsteps fade away. But there was one person, holding my hand. She was always there.

Who was she?

"Naruto..."


	2. one

**_ Chapter One _ **

"You're so stupid Uzumaki! Okay, I'll ask an easier question, you better get it this time. Otherwise you'll completely fail the exam tomorrow," the pinkette said, while flipping through the pages of her history textbook. She came across a question and her emerald colored eyes lit up, she turned her head up to look at me. "Hmm... Who was the first president of the United States of America?"

"How am I supposed to know that!? Wasn't his name Gregory... Gregory Washingpin! Seriously, why would anyone name their child 'Washingpin'?" I looked down at my own textbook and my eyes focused on a name. **George Washington.** _Huh, guess I'll fail the history exam tomorrow after all._

_So what if I fail? I'll fail proudly._

_I'll probably get an F or something... or fail so hard I'll get a G._

"You're hopeless," Sakura facepalmed as she closed the books around her. "I'll get us some coffee, studying session over."

I watched her get up from her chair and walk over to the front to order. _Who knew history was so hard?_

The loud noises of the traffic outside of Leaf Café didn't make this moment very peaceful. Across from the street, you'll see Yamanaka's Flower Shop. Sakura's best friend, Ino's family owns it. Sakura works there sometimes, to help out y'know.

There were several small shops around here. The café wasn't that crowded. The tables and chairs were in a neat shade of brown, the people were polite. Often times I'd come here when I needed to think, or in this case, study with Sakura. This café was kind of like our special place, we've created memories here.

"𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓–" 𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫. 𝐈 𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐞. 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐝, 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞, 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡- 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠.

"Naruto? Naruto!" Sakura was waving her hand in front of my face. "You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost." She slid a cup of coffee over to me.

"Huh? Oh yeah, it was nothing don't worry about it," I took a shaky breath and pasted a smile on my face and sipped some coffee. "Arigato, Sakura-Chan."

Maybe it was nothing, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. Something about it made me feel uneasy.


	3. two

**_ Chapter Two _ **

"Group hang out today after school. Choji, Sai, and I are walking together, you can come with us." Shikamaru said.

We were currently walking to the last class of the day, then freedom. "Sounds good. Where are we meeting up?" I asked him.

Shikamaru had his dark hair in the usual small ponytail, his hands were tucked into the pockets of his jeans. His whole aura gave of the "what-a-drag" vibe. "Park. Kind of like a picnic thing I guess."

"Hmm... we haven't hung out in a while. All of us I mean."

Shikamaru hummed in response. The hallways were packed with students, moving from one class to the next. The air was sweaty and humid, just what you'd expect from high school teenagers in the middle of May.

• • •

"There's a rumor going around. Kurenai Sensei and Asuma Sensei have a thing going on," Ino released a squeal. "No, but seriously. Asuma Sensei came by this morning to my parents' flower shop to buy Kurenai Sensei some flowers. This morning in homeroom I saw them on her desk."

"Any news besides _that_?" Choji asked, munching on chips. That guy always had food with him. And he would skewer anyone who called him 'fat.' Choji would protest that he was 'pleasantly plump' not 'fat.'

"Well, I've decided to go for an art major in college. School ends in two months, then we all will be going to college." Sai's black hair rustled in the wind, his skin tone is pale as always. His voice is so monotone, I don't know how Ino thinks his voice is sweet. _Weird guy._

"Oh! That's amazing Sai! I was thinking of going to medical school." I averted my attention to Sakura, her smile was the only thing that mattered at the moment. The way she tucks strands of her pink hair behind her ear, furrows her eyebrows when she's concentrating, and frowns when she gets something wrong. Don't even get me started on her eyes. The same green eyes that comfort me and sparkles when she looks at something she adores. The sunlight made the blue-ish rhombus shaped birthmark on her forehead stand out.

I didn't notice I was staring until she looked at my own pair of blue orbs and gave me her cutest closed-eye smile. She made me happy whenever I felt alone, she was the reason I was still here. Otherwise, I'd probably be where my parents are right now, in a grave.

I wanted to protect _her_. I wanted to make _her_ happy.

"How can you expect to help someone else when you can't even help yourself, billboard brow?" Ino remarked.

"Oh shut it, Ino pig. At least I have something to look forward to. You're probably gonna be working at your parents' flower shop your whole life."

"Yeah!? And what's—"

"Cut it off. You guys are such a pain in the ass." Shikamaru yawned. He was always tired.

"Naruto's been quiet this whole time. He's usually the talkative one. What's wrong?" Choji asked, munching on his fifth bag of chips.

"Huh? Oh, nothing." I forced a smile. Honestly I didn't even notice I wasn't talking, too busy with the thoughts inside my head. "Just thinking about how I'm gonna miss everyone." It's true. Everyone has everything planned out for their futures, while I'm the only one stuck.

But it makes me happy. Hanging out with everyone. For once, I'm not alone. Reminds me of the time when Iruka Sensei gave me detention and kept me after school in the academy. _"So what? It's not like anyone's waiting for me at home."_ I said back then. We got Ichiraku's after that.

"Yeah. Everything's moving so fast. Hey, Naruto. How were your travels with Jiraiya? I know he's like a parental figure to you. Did you guys have fun?" Sakura turned to me.

"Ero Sennin!?" Just like that I became cheerful again. "We haven't talked in so long but yeah! It was fun." I grinned at her.

"I think we should go now. The sun's already setting." Sai reminded us after a while. True enough. When I looked up at the sky I saw soft pink clouds and a beautiful sunset.

"Alright then," I said, while getting up. Everyone following me and doing the same. "Until next time."

We all bid our goodbyes and walked off in our own directions. And the feeling of loneliness consumed me once again.

"Naruto. Thought I'd walk with you, we do live close to each other." A voice called out. Sakura started walking next to me. Man, she does know when to come and make me feel better. I'm thankful for that, for _her._

"I appreciate your company, _doctor_ Sakura." I grinned at her.

"Oh, STOP!" She yelled at me and we both laughed until we arrived at her house.

"Thank you, Sakura-Chan."

"Call me, if you need someone." She said and walked inside her home.

_Maybe I was falling for her._


	4. three

**_ Chapter Three _ **

I wonder, are they happy right now? Ero-sennin told me they are. But that was months ago. Would everything have been different if they didn't die that day? Would I have been happy with them?

Because right now, at times like these, it feels like . . . the flashbacks of the past and memories are growing hands and is trying to choke me. At times like these it feels like _no one_ is there to help me, to _save me_ . . . to save me from suffocating in the pit black, bottomless ocean. It feels like I'm so deep down, it's too late. I can't see the top, I can't see the sunlight above me. All I see is the darkness that is surrounding me and I'm trying to open my mouth, to scream, but nothing.

Not a single sound comes out. I can only stay there, waiting.

I can only stay there, hugging myself as the tears continue to fall down. All I can hear is the sound of my heartbeat, growing louder by the passing second. And everything becomes too much, the weight on my shoulders become too much. And I'm trying, I'm trying so _hard_ to not let everything go. But I'm waiting for the time to come, when I finally decide to give up and let go.

When will that time come?

Then it feels like I'm running out of oxygen and I gasp, trying to breath. But my lungs give out, and I begin to shake.

It sucks, it really does. Whenever I'm alone these feelings always come rushing back, so much that it's overwhelming. Can I really do it?

And I always hear _their_ voices. Always.

_"Naruto . . . don't be picky about your food. Eat lot's so you can grow big. And don't stay up late at night, you'll need your sleep. Make friends. I'm not the one to talk, but do your best in school. Respect your teachers and seniors at the academy. Don't drink any alcohol until your 20. It's okay if you become interested in a woman, but don't go after a bad one. Find someone just like your mom! Speaking of which, watch out for Jiraiya Sensei, ya know! Believe in your dreams . . . and believe that your dreams will come true! I love you."_

And I couldn't hold back, everything about what she said before she died stuck to me like glue. I couldn't forget it, I never would.

I screamed and yelled and let everything out. And the tears were coming down freely. Wouldn't it be nice? Coming home to both of your parents smiling at you, welcoming you back. To celebrate with them. To share happy memories with them.

_"And Naruto . . . my advice to you as your father is, everything your chatty mother just said."_

And just like that, both of them were gone. Ero-sennin looked after me for a while, but he had to go away on his travels. Soon enough, I was left alone again. Like how I am right now.

What would I have told them, if I could speak to them just one more time? What if I could just talk to my dad, one more time?

_"Tell mom not to worry, I'm eating properly! I'm not picky and eat lot's of different stuff! Like, tonkotsu ramen, miso ramen, and shoyu ramen . . . oh but not just ramen though! Uh, I try to bathe everyday! I go to the hot springs once in a while too! Although everyone does say I only take quick dips . . . what else, what else . . . I've made lots of friends! And they're all good guys! And . . . I was awful at school, but I never got depressed and had more confidence than anyone else! Naturally, I always obeyed Kakashi Sensei and Iruka Sensei. I respect them both! I also learned a lot when I was with Ero-sennin! Even though he's perverted, he's an awesome master and I respect him the most! I don't know much about alcohol or girls . . . I know mom said to find someone like her . . . But . . . That's . . . Um . . . Anyways! Not everything mom told me about went well, but I'm doing the best I can! I've got dreams too! So when you see mom over there, please tell her . . . that she doesn't have to worry about me at all! Tell her I'm doing my best!"_

I could go on and on. But unfortunately everything good has to come to an end.

And suddenly the crying and screaming stopped. All I could do for now was lay down on my floor, and stare at the ceiling of my empty apartment.

I felt numb.

"𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓–" 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐩𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬— 𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝 𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡— 𝐦𝐲 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲. 𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐦𝐮𝐜𝐡.

I opened my eyes, sweating and shaking. The same vision from last time. I couldn't shake away the feeling that it was important. But I always tried not to think about it. Why? Because every time I do, I have even more questions than the last time. And my questions are left unanswered. Something about it makes me feel uncomfortable.

Who was screaming my name? I wanna find them, no matter what.

* * *

**note:**

**Hiya! I tried my best to convey his feelings here, his inner depression after all the things he's been through.**

**Let me know what you think ??**

**also I’m adding the notes here BC when I try to add the note the OTHER way it shows up in a different chapter idfk pls I’m so dumb anyways**


	5. four

**_ Chapter Four _ **

𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘻𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘥𝘦𝘵𝘳𝘪𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵

𝘓𝘦𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘪𝘯

"Naruto? Wanna go to an art museum with Sai? He called me about it and I wanted to ask you to come as well. It would be boring if he only blabbers about art," her laughter rings through my phone. "And uhm, I wanted to see you."

𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯

𝘞𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘱𝘰𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘥

𝘠𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯' 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘴𝘬𝘪𝘯

Wanted to see me? A smile couldn't stop itself from decorating my face. Sakura-Chan wanted to see me. She _wanted_ to.

There was a long pause, only my music playing in the background.

𝘖𝘩, '𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘥𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘪𝘯' 𝘮𝘺𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘥𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘳

𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱 '𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘐 𝘨𝘦𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦

𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘐 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘳𝘶𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨

"I'll get ready then." I replied to her.

"Great! We'll be by your apartment in five!" She excitedly hung up.

𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘢𝘺 𝘐 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦

𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺, 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘧𝘢𝘳

It made me happy. I don't know why, but her wanting to see me made me incredibly happy. I turned up the music very loud and grabbed a black t-shirt, orange sweatpants and my checkered vans.

𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘬𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘰𝘢𝘥𝘴

𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥'𝘷𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸𝘦𝘥 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘺𝘢𝘳𝘥

Maybe today I could forget, and escape. After my mental breakdown a few weeks ago I isolated myself from everyone, didn't pick up phone calls or reply to texts. I was . . . grieving. I tried, I tried to be happy.

I'll give it one more try this time. Sakura-Chan makes it easy to be happy, that's why I like her. She . . . She's important to me.

I turned the music off when I heard three loud knocks on the door of my small apartment. I opened it to a grinning pinkette and crop-top king.

"Dickless! Finally came out of hibernation, have you?" Sai smiled, knowing that I very much wanted to punch him right now.

"Gee Sai, very funny. Didn't I tell you _not_ to call me 'dickless'!?"

"Doesn't matter, I bet it's still as small as it was the last time I saw it."

"Shut the fuck up or I'll play do-re-mi on your ribs till they crack."

"Now, now. Quit bickering like little children. Sai wanted to do some research on art for his interview presentation, to get into the college he applied to." Sakura explains while we all walk to our destination.

"This early? We still have a few more months, well, 2 months. But still." I say.

"Well, In the book it says it's better to have everything planned out beforehand. Do you even know what college you want to go to, dickless?" Sai holds up a dark blue book.

"Why do you take the book so seriously?" I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "And I still have time don't worry about me."

"Everyone else already knows what college they're going to, you're the only one left Naruto. Oh yeah, we all applied to the same college too, so you should look into Konoha College." Sakura says.

I hum in agreement, I should start looking into it soon. Though I wasn't planning on staying in Konoha for college, if Sakura wants me to stay then I'll stay.

• • •

"Amazing! Vincent Van Gogh was truly a genius," Sai says while scribbling in his notepad. "The Starry Night . . . Hmmm."

"Sai, there's a little description about the painting over here. It says 'In 1985, UCLA art historian Albert Biome compared Starry Night to a planetarium recreation of how the night's sky would have appeared on June 19, 1889. The similarities were striking, and proved that van Gogh's "morning star," as referenced in his letter to his brother, was in fact the planet Venus.' I think you can use that piece of information for your presentation." Sakura reads out loud the words and flashes a satisfied smile.

"Thank you for your help, ugly." Sai grins innocently at the Haruno.

I choked on my drink and almost spit it out, people started looking at us weird.

"WHO YOU CALLING UGLY, CHUMP!? SHANNARO!!" She yelled as her fist collided with Sai's jaw.

Note to self: never piss off Sakura. Sai seems okay though, Sakura didn't go to her full extent. If she did he would have been in the hospital by now. I released a laugh I couldn't hold back. I mean, who wouldn't be laughing right now?

For a second our eyes met, she looked away as quickly as possible. What was that?

"I was just being truthful," He says while rubbing the spot she attacked. "In the book it says-"

"Words of advice Sai, don't take the book so seriously. You would be six feet underground right now, Sakura's just feeling nice today." I interrupt him and snicker.

"I'm leaving you two alone and getting some dumplings from the store across the street, have fun!" Sakura waves us goodbye and takes her leave.

Sai and I turn to each other and he sighs. "Naruto." He says.

"Yes?" I was surprised. Sai called me by my name instead of the stupid nickname he gave me.

"You like her." Sai smiles.

"What? Nooo! Where do you get that from?" I deny quickly and try to stop the blush on my cheeks from showing. Was it that obvious?

"It doesn't take a genius to know, you're making it pretty obvious. Plus, in the books-"

"Yeah, yeah we know. So what if I like her? It doesn't change anything. She's not the least bit interested in me."

"I'm not really good at love advice but Ino has taught me a few things," he continues. I didn't expect a guy like Sai to get a girlfriend before me. Especially because Sai was not good at expressing his emotions or communicating with people, which is why he always reads books on body language and things like that.

"Trust your gut feeling. In this case, my gut feeling is telling me it won't work out between the two of you. Not to make you upset or anything, you shouldn't chase after her. You'll find someone better who will return your feelings. Don't waste your time, Naruto."

We stared at each other for a while. Taking a moment to process what he just said to me. I can tell Sai is being genuine, he's giving me advice. Yet something inside me doesn't want me to listen. I don't wanna give up. But as I'm thinking about his words, there's a sense of trueness in them. No matter how much I try to deny it, he's right.

"I'll keep that in mind," I grin at him. "Thanks. Ya know, for an unexpressive person like you— no offense, you're pretty good at giving advice."

• • •

We dropped off Sai at his home, now it's just Sakura and I walking next to each other. There was an uncomfortable silence between us, neither of us knew what to say.

"𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐍𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐓𝐎! 𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐓–" 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐈 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞, 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐲𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞. 𝐁𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 . . . 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐢𝐝𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐜𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐡— 𝐦𝐲 𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐥𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐲. 𝐈 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧. 𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐦. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐰 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈 𝐩𝐚𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫, 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐫 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐞𝐭.

My face went pale and my eyes wide. That same flashback. But this time I saw something more. Her hair, her hair was long and it was a beautiful shade of midnight blue. What connection do I have with her? Why do I wanna find her more and more? The feeling increases each time I witness that flashback. Why do I have a feeling that she's important?

"Are you . . . okay?" Sakura tilts her head to the side and looks at me with confusion and worry written all over her face. "That's the seventh time I've seen you like that Naruto. Somethings wrong and you won't tell me. It's okay, tell me when you're ready. I'll be here to listen." She gives me a comforting smile.

"Oh! We're here already. I'll see you later then? Bye Naruto!" I watch her take a step back, and she starts walking towards her house.

I don't want her to leave just yet, no. Please. I want to tell her, don't leave. This seems awfully familiar. Too familiar. I can't lose her just yet.

 _"We're going to be back soon, don't worry. We'll see you later then, bye Naruto!"_ Just like that, the two most precious people in my life left. And that was the last I ever saw of them.

"Wait-" I said. I _know_ nothing's going to happen to her, she won't leave me. But I needed to do _something_.

She turned around and met my cerulean blue eyes. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her into me, I hugged her. She hugged me back.

"Thank you." I whispered to her.

And that night I forgot about the girl with midnight blue hair. The flashback did not once, enter my mind.

* * *

**note:**

**song: graveyard by halsey**

**starry night info: https://samsoriginalart.com/starry-night-facts-about-van-goghs-masterpiece/**

**as you can see I have shit taste in clothing LMAO**

**anywayz I love sai**


	6. five

** _Chapter Five_ **

"So why did you ask to meet up? You wanna talk about something?" Her emerald colored eyes focused on me while she sips her latte.

"Yeah," I say and glance at my now cold cup of coffee. "I don't know how to tell you— I'm confused about it myself."

I was now sitting in a café with the girl I like, telling her about the flashbacks I kept on seeing and trying to convince her not to think I'm insane. One problem, how do I start?

"Well, the best option would be to start from the beginning." Sakura says, setting down her cup. She leans back into her chair, "That way maybe I can help you if I know everything first."

We're in the same café, the café that holds so many memories of us. Leaf café. Sitting in the same seat as always; the corner table near the window in the far back. As usual, there weren't a lot of people here.

I picked up my coffee cup and drank some to calm my nerves. Why I was acting nervous about telling Sakura about the flashbacks? I don't know. The worst thing that could happen is she would think I'm crazy and not talk to me anymore. Then I'd never get to ask her out and die a loner.

I shake these thoughts out of my head remembering what Sai told me. _You'll find someone better who will return your feelings. Don't waste your time, Naruto._ Right. Moving on. That's what I need to do.

I clear my throat and catch her gaze. "I've been seeing the same random flashback for quite some time now. It's always the same thing over and over again. I usually see it when I'm alone but sometimes that is not the case." I break our stare, scared of her reaction. I stare at my hands on the table instead. "I try to ignore it and not think about it, however there's something telling me that it's _important_." I start fidgeting.

There was a short silence. Sakura was probably trying to process everything. I nervously glanced back up at her and surprisingly the emotions shown on her face weren't as bad as I thought they would be. Instead, they were sincere.

"What did you see, Naruto? What were these flashbacks of?" She asks and curiously drinks her latte once again.

"In every single one of them it starts off with a girl screaming my name and telling me to wait. Then everything freezes and things start moving in slow motion. Shortly after, I hear a deafening crash and the girl screaming more. That's usually how it ends but recently I saw something more. Her hair color, it was long and the color of midnight blue. That's it, I blacked out after that." I explain everything to the pinkette and drink the last of my coffee.

Sakura looked deep in thought. "I'm not sure what the flashbacks may mean but I do have 2 theories." She also finishes the last bit of latte that is in the bottom of her cup. I watch her as she cracks her knuckles and meets my eyes.

"Theory number one; you may have met the girl in your past life and you guys probably had some kind of chemistry. She was probably very significant to you, which is why she's always in the flashbacks. How to deal with the flashbacks? I don't know."

Past life? I don't believe in the past lives concept. Her theory doesn't seem like a possibility.

"I don't know Sakura-Chan. Maybe something more . . . believable?" I said hesitantly. I gulp nervously as I think about the flashback once more.

"Theory number two; you have amnesia. The girl is still important so you're getting flashbacks of her, maybe the flashback is showing you the time you lost her? But I do know one thing for sure," Sakura says. She furrows her eyebrows and taps her head with her index finger to show that she is thinking. "You gotta find her."

"Well, no duh." I say as I earn a glare from the Haruno sitting in front of me. "I know I have to find her, but I don't know where to start looking. Plus, I really don't think I have amnesia. I remember everything perfectly fine, except for _her_."

"Okay . . . Then you'll just have to find her somehow. I wish I could be more of help but I have no clue." She looks at me apologetically.

"No, no, you helped me a lot. Thank you." I gave her my signature smile. And she smiled back. I could've sworn that my heart stopped.

"Do let me know if you find her! You guys would be such a cute couple." She wiggled her eyebrows at me, smiling creepily.

I could feel my cheeks heating up at the thought and scowled at her. "I know who else would be a cute couple." I started saying.

"Who?"

"Us." I said without thinking and immediately regretted it. _Stupid, stupid. She doesn't feel that way about me._

"Very funny, Uzumaki." She bursts out laughing and I laugh along with her.

"I was just joking ya' know."

"Mhmmm," she agrees. "Anyways, I heard there will be a new transfer student at school tomorrow. Supposedly he's hot, all the girls are already forming a fan club," She rolls her eyes at the stupidity. "Apparently it's an emergency transfer."

"Just girls being girls, I guess." I replied. I wonder who the new transfer student could be?

"Did you know you have a fan club too?" She giggled out loud.

"I do?" The idea seemed weird. I do notice some girls ogling at me in the hallways but I never thought much about it.

"I'm really excited to see the transfer student though, see what he's all about."

"Yeah," I replied.

More things to think about. The transfer student and to look for more clues about the mystery girl. What will I do once I _do_ find her? Tell her about the flashback? Does she also get flashbacks about me? I wonder what they are about.


	7. six

**_ Chapter Six _ **

"Good morning. I have picked out a novel for us to read as a whole class for the next unit," Asuma Sensei started. "The novel is called 'ColorBlind.' We are only reading the prologue today."

Blah, blah, blah. Another boring novel study. That's when I started to zone out. Resting my cheek against my palm, I started closing my eyes to get some sleep in. Extra sleep couldn't hurt anybody.

"Uzumaki Naruto."

I got startled and opened my eyes to find everyone staring at me. What? "I wasn't sleeping, I swear," I started saying.

"Read the prologue please." Asuma Sensei stared at me creepily. Honestly, he looks kinda scary.

"R-right," I clear my throat and get started. "'She became the ashes.' The dark alleys were silent apart from the gentle taps of her feet as she happily skipped across the hard pavement. Her eyes were twinkling jade and her once long brown hair was now cut up to her shoulders making her seem much younger than she actually was. "Ring around the rosie," she sang, "a pocket full of posies," she reached the end of the alley and turned at the dirt road that led to a farm not very far away. "Ashes, ashes," she sang as she neared her house. But when she got there, she no longer sang. A faint orange glow lit up in her eyes and her hands fell to her sides. She was no longer happy."

I stopped reading. This novel was . . . familiar. Like, I _knew_ it from somewhere before. This story . . . seems to be significant to me somehow. I know for a fact it has some kind of connection to the girl with long midnight blue hair. I get the _same feeling_.

I glanced up to the front of the classroom and saw Sensei open his mouth to say something. But he stopped, and gave me a curious look instead.

"New student," an old blonde woman barges through the door with someone following behind her. Tsunade Senju, the principle of Konoha High. She cakes her face with makeup to look "young," is a drunkie, and has very large breasts. She has the same birthmark on her forehead like Sakura does, they're not related though.

I'm the only one that calls her Granny Tsunade, she does smack me every time I do. She has the strength of a gorilla. Jiraiya is obsessed with her. Speaking of that old pervert, he should be writing me letters about his travels but I haven't gotten one yet.

"Uchiha Sasuke." She finishes her sentence and gestures to a tall, pale looking dude next to her. He's wearing all black so nothing really to describe there. He does look emo and kind of like a druggie. Yup, definitely gives off the drug addict vibes. Probably in his rebellious stage, most likely an MCR fan, listens to depressing music and all that jazz. He just needs to get a few tattoos and piercings and there you go, your local emo teenager.

Note to self: don't interact with him, glares at everyone for no reason, shows no emotion.

The girls were already swooning and I visibly rolled my eyes. Huh, so that's the new transfer student. Why transfer now? Especially since there's only 2 more months left of school.

"Well then, Sasuke. Why don't you take a seat and we'll continue reading." Asuma Sensei told him.

He replied back with a "hn." Everyone had their eyes on him as he walked to an empty seat and sat down. Granny Tsunade took her leave and the lesson continued. I averted my attention from the Uchiha as another student started reading. This is probably the only lesson I'll ever pay attention in. Perhaps I could find clues about the mystery girl? I didn't wanna get my hopes up, after all it's just a stupid book.

"Fear replaced all of her emotions as she watched the burning house in front of her. The flames roared and spread all over her most favorite place in the world . . . her _home_." The more I read it, the more I feel like I should be remembering something, but it's _not_ coming to me.

"The once beautiful house was now pitch black from the fire. Parts of it had broken down from the fire and other parts were unstable. The girl ran her small hands on the wood of the porch. The ashes left black dust on her fingers. She watched people get out of her house with three bodies in their arms. A man wearing a hat stared at the girl for a moment."

Her voice. I can _hear_ her voice. I can hear her voice reading it to me—

I glance around to see if anyone else is hearing the voice, but I seem to be the only one that could hear her voice. It's so . . . _soft_. It sounds so fragile, music to my ears. Like a melody. Is that what her voice sounds like? I'm convinced I'm officially going insane. I wish the sound of her voice would never stop, I could listen to it forever.

"His eyes were full of sympathy as he took the bodies of her family down the steps past her. The girl stared at the bodies for a moment longer, remembering the greatest moments she had with them. A small smile formed on her face but quickly disappeared. She looked back up at her house and slowly walked in. The once fantastic walls were now burnt and the place smelled of smoke."

Someone sneezed. "Sorry, sorry. God bless me." It was Sai. There were a few laughs echoing throughout the classroom.

Why would I hear her voice reading it to me?

"Akimichi Choji, put the snacks away." Asuma Sensei called out. Typical Choji.

"My bad, let me finish this bag."

"Now."

"Yes Sensei." He got up to throw the remnants of the snack away and returned to his seat with a frown.

"Let's continue reading the text. Sasuke, why don't you read the next paragraph." Upon hearing his voice, the Uchiha lifted his head with a bored expression.

"She went to the kitchen and pulled one of the drawers," Sasuke's voice was deep and scratchy. Definitely didn't expect his voice to sound like that. But he took his time reading, not rushing like the others. "She sighed as she found the object she was looking for. It was slightly burnt but it would do. She examined her reflection on the object. Her eyes looked tired and her hair was messy. A single tear fell from her eye and she raised the knife to her arms."

I still heard her voice. I feel like I should be remembering . . . but I _can't_.

"Excellent. Ino, you continue the last part." Sensei called on the blonde sitting behind me.

The Yamanaka starts reading right away. "She closed her eyes as she felt the knife run down her arms and slowly break the skin. She stood there for a few minutes before opening her eyes. Her vision began to blur and her blood puddled on the floor. "And we all fall down," she finished the song as her body fell to the floor with a small 'thump.' The knife tumbled away from her as her eyes lay open,

and she slowly becomes **_ColorBlind_**. 'the lights all turned off.'"

Silence consumed the room. I could only hear the gentle taps of rain against the window. Her voice is gone.

"𝐈 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤. 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞. 𝐈 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐨, 𝐍𝐚𝐫𝐮𝐭𝐨-𝐤𝐮𝐧!" 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐭. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐬𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐈'𝐯𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧, 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐮𝐢𝐧𝐞. 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐥 𝐝𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐞. 𝐒𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐚 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐞𝐝 𝐚 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐤𝐞𝐭 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐬. 𝐈𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐚𝐲.

She had bangs. Cute bangs and some hair framing her face. She had dimples. Yet for some reason I couldn't make out the color of her eyes— almost as if the flashback didn't want to show me, killing me with suspense. She was cute. Too adorable. She _cuddled_ me. Why? Were we . . . like Sakura-Chan said?

My cheeks heated up with blush at the thought. No, why would she choose someone like me?

The bell rang loudly, indicating the end of class.

"3 page essay on the prologue due tomorrow. Explain your thoughts and feelings while you were reading. Who do you think the girl is, why is this significant to the rest of the story. What do you think will happen in the upcoming chapters. You all are dismissed, goodbye." Multiple students whined in protest about the assignment.

Honestly, I couldn't care less. I knew what the mystery girl looked like even more now. I could tell Sakura-Chan! My eyes skimmed around the room in search of a pink haired girl when I spotted her exiting the classroom already . . . with Sasuke. It felt gut wrenching to watch her walk away with him. She always did that with me, she always waited.

What was so special about _him_?

"Geez, stop clenching your jaw so hard and staring at the exit like you wanna bang someone's head against it. Let's go, we have a free period." Shikamaru looked over at me with the most tedious look.

I didn't even realize I was clenching my jaw so hard. I decided to ignore whatever just happened right now. I won't let it bother me. Choji walked over to us and the three of us headed out.

• • •

"Hm. Long midnight blue hair, bangs, and dimples. Based on the description you gave us, I would say she doesn't go to the same school as us," Shikamaru picks at his salad. "Though I'm not quite sure what significance the girl has to you. That's something for you to find out on your own."

The best option for me was to confide in Shikamaru. Mans' IQ is over 200. If I want logical advice, Smartass Nara was the best option.

"The thing about finding her . . . I don't know where to start." My own lunch was left untouched.

"Not really sure about that. The flashbacks are vague. There aren't much details or clues for us to work off of. Do tell me if you have anymore flashbacks, might help."

"As for Sakura," Choji decided to speak up about the situation, he was unusually quiet throughout the entire conversation. "It won't work out, like Sai said. Move on from her, man. Maybe you can date the hot long haired chick."

It hurt to think about Sakura. Like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. Is it possible to move on from her? Didn't feel like it.

My thoughts kept wandering back to the girl. And I kept thinking about her. Her smile, I would give anything just to see it again.

* * *

**note:**

****Fun fact; ColorBlind is actually an original story I started writing with my cousin but we didn't have enough motivation to finish it so I just thought of using it in here hehe** **


	8. seven

**_ Chapter Seven _ **

𝚑 𝚒 𝚗 𝚊 𝚝 𝚊

——

"So, Uchiha left."

"He did father. If you don't mind, I would like to ask you a q- question." I paused for a while. "Why bring up his departure a m- month later?" I hated my stuttering. But I can't help it under his gaze.

"Do I need a reason?" He glared at me. There was something else in the look of his too. Disappointment. Did I disappoint him? I've worked so hard to earn his respect. I've always wanted him to look at me with proudness in his eyes, like Hanabi and Neji nii-san.

Instead, he looks at me like I'm some kind of mistake.

"I went to your performance yesterday." he changes the subject, his white eyes still glaring at me.

"Oh! G- gomen, I didn't see you there. I hope you liked it, father."

"I don't think classical music is your type. You looked stiff during the entire performance. Hanabi did better than you in her performance, you should learn from her."

I looked at the floor, I could no longer look into his cruel eyes. It's true, my little sister is a better pianist than me. I wanted to play classical music because kaasan loved classical music. She used to always play it on the piano when I was little.

But she's no longer here.

"I- I've talked to Neji nii-san about it. He said I should try something else."

"Perhaps you should. I expect better things from you in your next performance, Hinata." He walks out of my room, shutting the door behind him.

"H-hai . . ."

 _"The piano is an intricate piece of instrument. It must be played with care. Move your fingers with grace. Don't **play** the piano, but **caress** it. The melody has to be perfectly compatible with the sound of rain."_ Kaasan had said.

I couldn't focus. My thoughts always wandered off to the blonde I've seen in flashbacks. So many questions were left unanswered. Was the pink haired girl his girlfriend? It shouldn't bother me.

I've only told Tenten-chan and Hanabi. Why do I feel this kind of . . . attraction towards him? He doesn't even know me. Yet, here I am thinking of him. _Creepy Hinata._

• • •

"Can you stop?"

"Stop what?"

"Tapping your feet."

I ignore him and continue tapping my feet. Why should I listen to him? Teme, thinks he's the boss of everyone around here. If only I could cut off his toes and shove them down his throat.

"Can you stop doing that." He says again.

"No, but I can hit you with my car." I retort back, glaring at the dark haired male in front of me.

"You don't have a car, dipshit." He kicks my feet underneath the table and I kick back.

Over the past month Sasuke and I have gotten closer. Don't get me wrong, I still hate him but we have a love/hate kind of relationship. Turns out his parents had business with another company here so he had to move. He hangs out with us now.

"The others haven't arrived yet?" Choji sat down on one of the chairs immediately.

"Nope." I checked the time on my phone. We were waiting at Yakiniku Q for the rest of the group to arrive. Daily meet up kinda thing. Choji loves this place, you cook your own food and eat it. It's very popular so the girls have been wanting to meet up here for a long time, it's pretty cool.

"Sasukeeeeee! Narutoooooo! Chojiiiiii! We're all here!" The screaming Yamanaka sits down with the group. Shikamaru was mumbling a "shut up" to Ino.

I turned to greet Sakura but she was already sitting next to Sasuke and talking to him. The smile on my face formed into a small frown as I watched them. _It's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay, it'll be okay_ I kept repeating to myself. But it didn't feel like everything would be okay. It stings at first, but now it feels as if she left me numb—not even slightly painful, just numb.

It doesn't take a genius to know that Sakura had developed feelings for Sasuke. But Sasuke isn't even acknowledging her presence, he doesn't realize he's ignoring a girl that I would die for. It pisses me off. Sakura giving Sasuke all her attention and he isn't even noticing her? You know how much I wanted that attention for myself?

I look away. It doesn't matter how much I want to be where Sasuke is right now. It _doesn't_ matter.

The soft sizzling sound of the meat grilling averts my attention from them. Looks delicious.

"Shikamaru! Truth or dare?" Sakura randomly calls his name. I hear him mutter "troublesome game" under his breath as I catch sight of him rolling his chestnut colored orbs.

"Truth."

"What's your biggest regret?"

"Being friends with you losers."

"Shut up, I know you love us." I grin at his direction. He looked like he wanted to die.

"I hate you all with every inch of my being."

"That's not a lot of inches." Sai shoves a piece of meat in his mouth. The whole table burst out laughing. I saw Sasuke snicker. Shikamaru glared at everyone and stabbed his meat.

"Alright, Sakura's turn. Truth or dare?" Ino turned towards her best friend with a mischievous look.

"Dare."

"I dare you to prank call your mom. And put the call on speaker." Ino gave her a smug smile.

"That's not so bad. What do I tell her?" Sakura smiled at her friend's idea.

"I GOT IT," I shouted in excitement, this was gonna be fun. Her familiar green eyes met my own. "Call her and ask who you're talking to, she'll most likely say you're the one who called first. Act confused and say she's actually the one who called first."

"That's a good idea, actually." Choji said as he reached for a glass of water. I kind of forgot he was here . . . not my fault he's so quiet? He was just eating his food, too distracted to participate in the game.

"Here I go," I watched her as she took out her phone from her pocket and dialed her mother's number. For the first time, I noticed how she styled her short hair differently today. It was in two small braids with a few strands of pink hair left out. All in all, very cute. The sunlight coming in from the window made the pinkette look breathtaking. She looks so bright, so . . . adorable? Is that the right word?

"Hello? Who is this?" I tried not to laugh as I watched the prank play out. _"What do you mean who is this? Sakura I know it's you."_ Everyones jaw dropped in surprise. Sakura's mom just ruined the whole prank, man I was so ready to hear her reaction.

"Mooommm! I was trying to prank you." The Haruno giggled softly. _"I know what your voice sounds like, dear. Nice try though."_ Her mom hung up.

"It's so hard to prank your mom, she always sees through us." Choji says while patting his stomach, indicating that he had a good lunch. Sakura shrugs in response.

"Okayyy," she pauses for a while, taking her time to look at everyone. "Sasuke! You look bored, Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to give us your phone and we can look through anything we want."

"What?" Sasuke scowled. "Why do you want my phone?"

"We might find something interesting," I say, smirking. "A dare is a dare, teme. If you don't do it then I guess you're just a coward."

"Here." Sasuke hands me his phone and I unlock it. It didn't have a password, surprisingly. I click on his photos app, maybe I'll find something embarrassing to blackmail him with later. Like an ugly selfie or something.

But what I saw was unexpected. I didn't expect to see _her_. She was kissing him. Her eyes were closed, her dimples were there, she has the same color hair from the flashback. She had bangs too. No doubt it was her, but with Sasuke? My mind was racing. What relationship did she have with Sasuke? He never told me.

I didn't like it, for some reason I hated that picture. She shouldn't be kissing him. But why does it matter to me? He used to know her. Which means I have a chance to find her. That's all that matters right now.

I quickly formed my lips into a mocking grin to hide the emotions. I held up the phone for everyone to see the picture, "Sasuke has a girlfriend. Why didn't you tell us?"

His face immediately turned red as he tried to grab the phone from my hand but I kept it out of reach. "Give it back, dumbass."

"Nope." He gave up trying to get his phone back and groaned in frustration.

"She's not my girlfriend." If looks could kill, I'd be dead right now.

"Then why are you guys kissing?"

"Friends with benefits?" Sai assumed. Sasuke's face turned a shade redder, if that was even possible. "No!"

"She does look very beautiful." Sai commented again.

"Awww! You guys are so cute!" Ino swooned. Sasuke wanted to kill me 100 percent. I nervously laughed.

"Ugh, shut up," he rolled his onyx colored orbs. "I was gonna ask her out okay. But I had to move so suddenly so I didn't. Now shut up all of you." He grabbed back his phone from my hand.

I was relieved that he hadn't asked her out. Why? Why does it matter to me? I was supposed to like Sakura. Speaking of Sakura, she was unusually quiet so I glanced her way. She looked _jealous_ and hurt. Our eyes met and I gave her a sympathetic smile. She looked away.

"What's her name?" Ino wouldn't leave the subject alone until she had answers.

"H-"

"ACHOO!" Sai's sneeze cut off Sasuke, which prevented me from hearing her name. Stupid Sai. "Apologies, I think I may have caught a cold." Her name started with an H.

"That's such a nice name!"

Things I found out today? Sasuke knows her and her name starts with the letter H. Maybe I'll be able to find her sooner than expected, who knows?

* * *

**note:**

**Hi guys! Sorry for the late update I had classes and exams but now I have mid winter break so I have more time to write!**

**i forgot to mention, You can also find this on WATTPAD, my username is the same; ayeeitssfaithh**

**I hope y'all liked this chapter! LMAO I lowkey ship sasuhina so I had to include some.**


	9. Chapter Eight

_** Chapter Eight ** _

  
**WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS DISCUSSIONS OF SUICIDE AND DEATH. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED.**

* * *

It was a pleasant surprise when Granny Tsunade first came to my apartment. The first time, she came with Jiraiya. We had a great time, she never came again after that day. We were close, she always checked up on me when Ero Sennin couldn’t.

But now?

Her visit was unexpected. Why would she come visit me? Not that I don’t like her company, but something about it was off. Her expression was off. Like she would break down any moment. This time she didn’t come with Jiraiya. No, she came with news. A shiver went down my spine; I had a feeling something terrible had happened.

“Would you like some tea?” I coughed awkwardly as she stared at me with an expressionless face. Her lips shut tight, she hasn’t uttered a single word since the past five minutes. It’s as if she’s afraid that if she opened her mouth to speak, only sobs would come out. It was quiet. An uncomfortable silence. This wouldn’t be like our usual conversations where I would insult her makeup and she would insult me back. Everything about this was different.

“I’ll leave right after I tell you,” her voice was shaking, it was fragile. Why did she sound so devastated? She was the most energetic and loud person I know. “I know it’ll be hard, I’ll be here if you need someone to talk to.” Melancholy had waged a full scale assault on her vocal chords.

Curiosity was killing me. Tsunade stood up and walked over to the exit, putting on her sandals. With a sigh she turned around and looked me dead in the eye. I found it harder to breath like someone had their hands wrapped around my lungs, squeezing hard. Whatever it was that she wanted to tell me, I knew I wasn’t ready for it.

Can I really process this on my own?

The woman opened up the door and stepped outside, her back facing me. “Master Jiraiya has been killed.”

I couldn’t hear the birds chirping their songs loudly anymore. It felt like everything froze,  I _froze_ .  It felt like my heart had stopped beating, like time suddenly stopped. Other noises around me were fading away. Nothing else mattered anymore.  _Nothing_.  Like the world around me had stopped moving.

All of them are gone now. No one else left. Everyone close to me are dead now. They’re fucking  _dead_ . Mom and Dad are dead. Now Ero Sennin. What else is there for me to do? Nothing. I  _have_ nothing anymore. The closest people to me died, there’s no reason for  _me_ to be left. What’s the purpose of me still fighting to stay alive when I have  _no one_ left.

Tsunade hasn’t moved from her spot. I don’t know  _how_ to process this. Jiraiya died. Ero Sennin died. He’s dead. He’s gone . . . just like mom and dad. As much as I try to make myself accept fate, I can’t. _I_ _can’t_ .  Why the  _fuck_ do the most closest people to me always  _leave_ ? Whatever deity is up there fucking  _hates_ me.

“I went to his office and he left you a note,” the blonde decided to speak up. She turned around and handed me a small piece of paper. “I don’t know what it means.”

I open it up with shaky hands and see a single word written in bad handwriting, Ero Sennin’s handwriting.  _Tokyo_. I stuff the note in my pocket and shut my eyes tight, taking a deep breath. I had to be calm, right? It took everything to not just break down. It took everything to not punch something right now and scream.

I watched as Granny Tsunade walked away without saying anything more. And I stood there, with my head against the wall and my hands in fists trying not to cry like a pathetic loser.

Nothing mattered anymore, not a single thing. Everyone I loved has been taken away. So what’s the point? What’s the point of staying alive? There isn’t a purpose to life anymore. I must have been such a disappointment to all of them. They must have been so fucking disappointed in me. I’m such a failure, a disappointment, a loser, a coward, so much more. I was never good enough. Did I ever make them happy?

Why am I still alive? There is no purpose anymore.

I left my apartment and walked. I don’t know where I’m going, I just need to get out. I just need a break. From everything. It feels like I’m a burden. I’m such a waste of space. Everyone would have been better without me. Why do I feel like  _shit_ .  Why do I feel like  _killing myself_ . My heart feels so heavy, like it’s about to break. Into tiny little pieces.  _I can feel it grieving. I can feel it about to give up. I’m_ about to give up .

Is this what they would want me to do? They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t want me to take my own life. But how can I not?

The cold wind slaps my face and it stings. Everything hurts. _I can’t do it anymore. __I can’t_. I can’t hold in the tsunami of emotions anymore, _it_ _hurts_. I’m in _pain_. _It hurts so bad_. I _need_ someone to help me. I _can’t_ take it anymore. I start crying, everything sucks. Why does it have to be this way? Why am I always alone?

I find myself on top of a tall building. It’s cold, my body trembles. I can see the thousands of little lights of Konoha from up here, I can see many houses and buildings and shops. It’s calm here, no noises. I scream. I let everything out. My tears are blurring my vision. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t care.

No wonder Sakura doesn’t talk to me anymore, no wonder she ignores me now. It’s that feeling of loneliness. Even when you know you have other people that care about you, you can’t get rid of it. I’m stupid, I’m dense, I’m not good enough. Not as good as Sasuke. She found someone better than me, so she left. Why do I always ruin  _everything_ ? It’s always  _me_ . Always.

It feels like every time someone gives you a hand to help you up, they end up letting go and you slip down further.

I decided something. I decided to find out how people at school might react if one of the students never came back.

There’s nothing left to fight for. I’m done. I’m sick of everything, I’m sick of myself. I will see Ero Sennin again, I’ll see mom and dad again. It’s not like anyone will care if I kill myself. No one will care. I bet they wouldn’t even notice I’m gone.

I walk to the edge of the building and look down, the cold wind blows my golden strands of hair in my eyes and I shiver. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, this is it. It’s gonna be over. I don’t have to be in pain anymore. I never thought it’d be like this. I never imagined myself to take my own life like  _this_ . I chuckle to myself.

I jump.

A hand grabs my arm and prevents me from falling. I look up see who in their right mind would want to stop me. I notice the familiar overgrown dark hair covering their eyes. It’s Sasuke. He was grabbing onto my arm while his other hand was holding onto the building so we both don’t fall.

. . . Why? “Dumbass,” he huffs as he struggles to pull me back up. His eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. He almost lets me go,  _almost_ . His hands are sweating, he’s struggling to keep both of us alive. “Hold onto the building with your other hand, I know I’m pretty stop staring at me.”

I blink. Once, twice. “IM GONNA FALL OVER WITH YOU DIPSHIT, HOLD ONTO THE BUILDING WITH YOUR OTHER HAND.” Right. Hold onto the building, that’s pretty easy. I can do that, right? Or I might just mess up, like I always do, and fall to my death.

I grab onto the building. Sasuke manages to pull me back and throw me onto the ground. I release a breath I didn’t know I was holding. Why did he save me? If he didn’t save me, everything would’ve been over by now. I wouldn’t have to be a burden to anyone anymore.

“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING!?” He’s been holding in his anger all this time. I look up at him standing above me. “DO YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY!?”

He was shouting, he seemed pissed.

“DO YOU THINK TAKING YOUR OWN LIFE IS A JOKE!?” His eyes were burning with anger . . . and something else, I couldn’t tell what it was. I stayed silent. I didn’t know what to say, there  _was_ nothing to say. “ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND!? DID YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO CARE ABOUT YOU?” There is no one who cares about me. They’re all gone.

All I wanted was to die. To never have been born. Wasn’t worth living through it for one more heartbeat. What’s the point? What’s the point of staying alive when no one cares. When you’re always all alone, always isolated. It doesn’t matter if you have a large friend group, you’re always the one left out. One way or another.

“DO YOU THINK KILLING YOURSELF IS A SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS!?” Yeah. “DON’T YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY!?” I’m afraid to be happy. Because every time I’m happy, something bad always happens and ruins everything. Then everything comes crashing down.

I look down and stare at the rock hard cement ground, pushing back tears. I can’t cry now, I’m so pathetic. So sensitive. But what does it matter? _It_ _hurts. Everything hurts._ And I’m tired of repeating it over and over again, but it doesn’t go away. Like I’m at the bottom of a deep ocean, drowning. No one can save me now, I’m in too deep.

Will I ever get control of my life? Will I always be shoved back and pushed around by those I trust? Will my life ever go where I want it to?

“WHY DO YOU THINK SUICIDE IS THE ANSWER!?”

My world was collapsing.

Tiny droplets of rain start to fall. Puddles began plinking as the rainfall became heavier, it sounded like the buzzing of angry bees. The drops touched my face, caressing and then poking like thousands of needles. My hair sticks to my face, I don’t push it away.

“NARUTO, WHY!?”

Why? That’s what I ask myself almost everyday. Why can’t I be good enough?

“WHY DID YOU TRY TO TAKE YOUR OWN LIFE!?”

I had to press my lips together to keep from sobbing. I sucked in the tears that wet my lips. I tried to speak, would speaking about it help?

“Calm down.” And that’s when I realized how hard I had been crying. How much I struggling to catch one good breath.

I stood up, still looking down. I don’t know how long I stood there, trying to compose myself. It was all I could do to not burst out bawling again. Until then I hadn’t realized what I fragile state I was in.

“What’s that?” He tapped his finger against the inside of my wrist. Instinctively, I pulled away. “A birth mark.” My voice was unsteady and quavering. “Looks like a scar. Self harm scars?” I didn’t say anything. It was true.

“You’re not in the mood to talk about anything right now. I was just about to head home and pack some things, we’re going away for a week. Then I heard you, screaming. You sounded hurt.” He seemed to calm down but still looked like he had more to scream about.

His shirt was wet because of the rain, it clung to his body. Neither of us talked. We just stood there, listening to the now soft pitter-patter sounds of the rain. And the howls of the wind. I took that time to breath, to take in everything that just happened. It was overwhelming.

My thoughts drifted off to Ero Sennin. Thinking about him made my heart clench in pain. When was the last time we talked? A year ago. The note in my pocket, I forgot about it. I felt around my pocket for the small piece of paper and took it out. It was kind of soaked from the rain, the black ink smeared a little.  _Tokyo_ . What did he mean by  _Tokyo_ ? The place isn’t that far from Konoha.

I heard footsteps walk away. The further they got, the less I could hear them splashing in the puddles. I was alone now.

I took out my phone and unlocked it. A message from Tsunade.

_I feel like you need an explanation._

_Jiraiya told me he would be researching about an assassin group called ‘The Akatsuki.’ He knew it was dangerous, I told him not to go. This wasn’t like any of his other research, it was far more menacing. He was convinced they were the ones who killed your parents, Naruto. They were after you. He went. He engaged in a fight with them that cost him his life. His body is missing, we don’t know where it is._

_Shizune gave me the news of his death. I went to his office to look for anything of importance to store away, anything he might’ve wanted to keep. I found copies of his unpublished books and a note for you._

_I won’t say I’m sorry. Because I know it doesn’t help with what your feeling right now. Just know you can talk to me._

_Tsunade Senju._

Oh.  _ Oh ,  wow _ . An assassin group. An assassin group took the lives of the most three closest people to me. How am I supposed to feel? I feel numb.

I close my eyes and release a breath, tilting my head upwards towards the gloomy sky. I feel the cool air against my skin, it’s soothing. What was there to do now? Just breath.  _Breath_ . I need to calm down first before doing anything else.

Sometimes I wish my head would shut up. Just stop. Because it’s tiring to have thoughts and think and worry about something every second. I talk to myself in my head most of the times, and I get annoyed at myself afterwards.

I feel lost now. I don’t know how I can continue on with my life knowing they’re gone. Most people would say “go to a therapist.” But how can I when I’m afraid of being judged. I can’t even  _afford_ a therapist, much less pay my bills.

So is this how it feels like? When you don’t know what the fuck to do with your life anymore?  


• • •

Ero Sennin’s funeral is tomorrow. I guess this is a sign that he really did leave, I didn’t want to face reality.

• • •

It’s been two months. Two months since the funeral, two months since his departure. Two months since my suicide attempt. Sasuke haven’t told anyone about that day, which I am thankful for.

Everything is so different. Like life lost its color. I’m seeing everything in black and white, so bland.

There were times where I would block myself out from everyone and isolate myself in my room, and cry. I didn’t want anyone to see my weak side.

Besides that? I graduated. I’m moving away from Konoha. I haven’t told anyone yet, I’m planning to today. It’ll be a fresh new start for me. I could finally be able to move on from the past. It excites me.

• • •

“Actually, I’m moving.”

“Like to a new apartment? You’re still staying in Konoha right?” Ino looks at me with curiosity.

“Ah . . . no. I’m moving to Tokyo.” I scratch my cheek with a finger and look away, it’s a habit I can’t get rid of.

“Will you come back?” Sai speaks up this time.

“I wasn’t planning to, sorry. Um, I’ll come visit though?” Everyone was staring at me, the attention made me uncomfortable. “This is the last time we’ll be seeing each other, I’ll be moving pretty soon.”

“What made you wanna move all the way to Tokyo? So troublesome to pack everything then unpack,” Shikamaru yawned and closed his eyes.

I chuckled, “I wanted a change I guess, I don’t know. Why do people usually move?”

“You better send me addresses of all the good restaurants they have there.” For the first time, Choji didn’t have food with him.

“For sure,” I grinned.

“Why isn’t Sakura here?” Sasuke looked around for her.

“Uh, actually. I wanted to tell her later,” I hadn’t invited Sakura on purpose. I was hoping we could talk in private, one last time before I leave. We drifted off. She stopped talking to me since  _that_ day. I couldn’t deny the fact that it hurt me. “Well, I’ll be going now.”  


“Wait idiot,” Ino hugged me. “Keep contact with us okay? Or else I’ll snap your neck.” I was surprised from the contact, nonetheless I hugged her back.

“Yeah,” I laughed. “Are you crying, Ino?”

“Shut up, stupid. I hate you,” she sniffled. She finally let go of me and I replied, “The feeling is mutual.”

• • •

I will miss everyone. But I feel like it’s finally time to do things for myself. To keep myself happy.

Oh, there’s Sasuke. He had his headphones on. And . . . Sakura’s here too? I was about to walk up to her, but I stopped myself. She didn’t seem notice my presence, she walked up to Sasuke.

Sasuke’s and Sakura’s friendship had developed a lot over the past few months. I was happy for Sakura. I didn’t go up to them, I was just watching. Was that creepy? It’s not like I was doing it on purpose . . . I wasn’t even  _going_ to watch them in the first place. But I can’t help it.

I looked away, jealousy bubbling up inside of me. When I glanced back, I saw her kiss him.

I smiled to myself sadly.  _I would learn to let her go_ _._ I walked away from them.

* * *

**note:**

**hihi I would like to ask you guys a few questions please answer them!! It would really help me out :D**

**1\. Are you interested in reading more of this story?**

**2\. Are you bored of this story? Is there any way I can make this better?**

**3\. Is there any way I can improve?**

**4\. What are some things you don’t like about my writing? How do you suggest I fix them?**

**thank you thank you if you answered :)**

**btw, I’m not sure if I expressed Naruto’s emotions and thoughts correctly. I, myself, have gone through the suicidal times in my life it was really really scary I’m just not good at expressing emotions or thoughts I hope I described it well. If there’s any way I can fix anything please let me know!**

**ahaha I’m okay now don’t worry :D**


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